Yeah, and then I got up to take a call and left the "fish in vulva" quote up on my laptop screen while I chatted for a few minutes. That went over well.
Welcome to the house of readable and reasonable discussion.  Bitch.
Seriously, when did you turn into one of them?
I have never felt that song lyrics are conducive to rational speech between people who hold differing opinions.  Those are best left scrawled on the tearstained napkins one finds at Denny's around 3 a.m.
Now you have that revolutionary swagger.  That's what I'm talking about!
Well, this does sound exciting!  Very Grisham-esque.
What it seems to say is that something new was going to be tried, someone got pissed, mobilized a bunch of hippies (my RSI!) and possibly it won't happen.
Now that we have a house together on 1475 Generality Street, can we furnish it with some facts?
And why were the toll roads bad?
Personally, I liked the tollway in Dallas.  It was clean, fast, police hardly ever patrolled it and it generated revenue for the city.
I honestly hope she gets her answer, that her family backtracks and supports her in this valid inquiry and everyone else falls genitals first into a fission reactor.
I'm pretty sure my bitching was more along the lines of "Could you bring me another Mint Julep, Mr. Fernando Pessoa is so interesting."
That's a nice thought, but the system doesn't work.
Bush won because he has a war and better spin.
But, while all that might almost incite me to leave my idyllic shade tree and book, the reality is that none of it matters.
Well, I suppose my inner grammar Nazi is filled with rage right now, but I doubt that is what you were trying for.
Yes, you can move people with words, but not slapdash beliveology, the science of online petitions and hugs.
Mom was right on the money because you have to invest time in your statement or your statement is complete and utter shit and the world knows it.  See above.
No, actually, a paper letter has ten times the impact of a checkbox e-mail.
After the one AA meeting I went to, I decided that it was where you went when you made up your mind that living in your car was probably not the best thing to do.
Protest took off during the heyday of the hippies and faltered once they found harder drugs.
Anyone attempting to recover that ground might as well sit around and lift The Pentagon with the power of positive thinking.
I used to get angry about the state of the world and imagine I could change it until one wonderful day when I said "You know what, fuck being pissed all the time.  I'm going to have a beer or six, read all these great books I have, concentrate on my girlfriend, talk to my grandmother when I can and maybe, if I am feeling wild, take a beer to my mom and sit under some trees and talk to her.  Humanity has always kind of trucked on without me, so it can continue to do so."
High minded lofty goals are great, but you know what?
I just bought the Lombardo translations of the Odyssey and the Iliad and his use of idiom makes me hard as fuck.
Revolution can wait a day.
I choose to believe in what I find important:  Family ties, personal improvement, developing relationships and high standards of personal conduct.
Give me cancer?  Expose me to depleted uranium?
I can say that ice cream deliveries in the entire Middle East are up 12 hojillion percent, but without backing data this is a useless and alarming (though tasty) bit of information.
I personally know several guys who are deployed simply because they figure if they don't get shot, they clear about 50K or more and if they do get shot, the wife/parents get their SGLI because they are poor.  Kind of puts the wind in my flag, how about yours?
We should not misquote or plagiarize two of our greatest American treasures.
Left leaning agitator seems a bit too grandiose and hippie has keys that are too close together.  Aggravates my carpal tunnel to type it a lot.
I'll take the third type Cephalus talks about, thank you very much.
Everyone ends up the same as noted in Ecclesiastes 9.
An online petition allows thousands of Americans to stand up for what they believe in for a moment and then flop heavily back onto their couch to watch American Idol.
Don't make the mistake of giving people too much credit.
I have no idea what you just said.
For the record, I have been to Kansas when I was training at Fort Riley.  That is one mighty miserable state that Kansas.  If I were a burgeoning revolutionary in that flat wasteland I'd want an AK to shove into my brain pan before blowing my brains onto my Hot Topic "Che" poster.
Remember, that words frequently lead us to lash back out, but as someone who clearly wishes to hold forth on a subject near and dear to ones heart, we must always remember to look at the big picture.
Before we immediately threaten another with violence, we must put the keyboard down, and not allow ourselves access to the internet for 15 minutes.
I mean, you've lost your sense of humor and are well on your way to being one of them:  You know the gray haired earth mother types with their stringy granola flecked braid clutched tightly in one wrinkled fist while the other gives a peace sign or holds a placard with "My Firm Belief ™" scrawled in magical markers.
Now dammit Mike, you are just being a jerk.
How is Jimmy Hippie-Dreads going to get 10,000 AKs over the Kansas border?
There is no longer a war between super powers that can fight wars by proxy simply by throwing money at them.
Shit fj, you talk big game about the revolutionaries because you read a couple of books, but who can you look up to?
You certainly aren't making a bit of difference just sitting there and bitching all the time.
Do something.  Hell, we all know that the online petition signing is BS, but do it anyway.  What does it take away from your day.  And, in the end, if all else fails, maybe we'll get our own Mao or Stalin or Pol Pot.  We can only hope.
The main conclusion I drew from that lecture, was that, unfortunately, AIDS patients made lousy light bulbs.
Uncle Ho told us power grows from the barrel of a gun.  No revolutionary ever made a change with email.
When you start strapping C4 under your shirts to tell me you REALLY believe in something, I'll give you all the funding you want.
When you downsize DC with 50lbs of nails and some ANFO, then the revolution has started.
I've announced it before and I announce it again, I give up on people.
Poli Sci was a poor choice of a major for me because it just reinforced what I knew before.  People are stupid, short sighted animals who care for naught but the next blowjob or superbowl.
At least one motherfucker has been saying it since Greece started philosophi-zin, and ya'll ain't no Arisotle or Plato. At best, you are an Alexander, taught at the knee of greatness but never knowing more than a few sentences you can parrot back.
No war for oil.  No blood for war. More oil for my goddamn VW bug at lower costs.
Sandals.  Bare toes in the bloody grass. Gaza, My Lai, Kabul, women's rights, no theocratic governments unless it is the religion of mother earth and her sacred corn filled womb.
So apparently, grieving white is the new tired black.
hamburgers
Hubris caused the LORD to turn his back on me.  Try here.
For I am submissive in the Lord.
I'll have something pithy to say later.
Is that how you spell wazzoo?  Lemme check m-w.
Love you dawg.<br />In je$u$<br />Yes, I would love you inside je$u$, just like staying warm in a tauntaun.
Well, not really problems. More like minor irritants. A grain of sand under the eyelid of my life. A minor brown eye itch. Yes. That would be it. Nothing that can't be controlled with the hemm'roid cream of the great en-Piped one.. <b>Dobbs</b>.
Mrmph. I think I need to get a job. And I find myself oddly attracted to women in Nazi hats and surgicla gloves. Nothing major you see. Nothing major.
That was supposed to be "surgical."  Surgicla is the spanish-hungarian spelling.
My interests are, well, a good dolphin sandwich on spotted owl loaf.
I club baby seals.
I punched a kitten once.
"SCSI ID 0. Last In the Chain. Self Terminating."
I want to meet a Platypus wielding dual katanas on a field of cherry blossoms during a warm dry period in Feudal Japan.
I probably don't think that much of you.
Don't get me wrong, I am angry and you do make me cringe every time you offer an opinion clearly pulled from Ann Coulter or Michael Moore.
I would happily shatter my bottle of Jim Beam to slash your throat from ear to ear any time you feel that loudly voiced opinion supplants fact.
In fact, I am angry.
You have sold yourself short and in the process you have lowered the world to your level.
You have basically kicked the universe in the balls and as it lay trembling before your dull onslaught, you have decided that is how you want it.
Now, don't think this is the ranting of some angry whey-faced intellectual in his basement.
We have nothing in common, you and I.
We are as dissimilar as hawks and worms.
Now, let me be totally clear on this: You, with your airport grade, elementary novels that make me stupider for selling them are a festering blight on the world.
You have no concept of history, literature, art or music.
You don't read. I read. I work in a bookstore, I receive a discount for being an employee, and I read. You don't read. I know you think that you do, but when you waddle up to me at the register with a copy of the da Vinci Code gripped in your Cheeto begrimed fist, or the latest literary abortion that is a Tom Clancy franchise novel and you make small talk with me, you are NOT READING.
Ok, I can't talk at you anymore. It always makes my chest hurt and my left arm go numb. You're a jerk.
Let's get something clear here. You are not a “Spiritual Person”. You have no concept of the higher glory of the spirit.
You don't know what a hero is.
I don't care how many vapid episodes of Oprah you watch.
You have no concept of suffering or the overcoming of suffering.
To recap:  You suck.  Your heroes are thirty seconds, which is all you can handle.  Go back to your couch, you piece of dirt.
You are an idiot, and I must share this bit of information with you.
Why?  Why would you take a good religious belief and cover it with all this shit?  Normally at this point I call you stupid and make some remark about how you are slowly killing me (which you are, don't get me wrong), but instead I think I'll just point the reader to Luke 9, 1-6.  That's preaching.  You think you have authority?  That's authority.  You think you spread the word?  Do it like that.  Bitch.
YOU ARE A NEST OF VIPERS.  You are a poison that kills not flesh, but the sprit.  You come in a guise of piety and kindness and you take from people one donation at a time, one impersonal service at a time, one gossip at a time.
Hold on a second.  Like a midget with his Old Navy Cargos full of forties, I'm a little drunk.  I have a point that I would like to bring up.
It's really no wonder Texans love weapons.
What the fuck is that and why is it trying to lay eggs in my skull?
I have to go.  Their is a coyote here trying to steal one of my rifles.
Cali:  Blackouts that will make you stub your toes, maybe riots.
Arizona:  Ooooh.  It's hot.  I might die from the heat.  That pegs about a 2 on my Give-A-Shit-o-Meter
Virginia:  Maybe an excess of history.  I'm not even sure they have anything larger than a squirrel there.
Maine:  Maple trees fall on you after all the syrup has been drained to supply Texas' enormous pancake hunger.  w00t!
Nevada:  Can't even kill you.  The best it can do is take your money and cause you to go to your home state and kill yourself.  This is the lazy Mexican of states.
Texas wants to kill you.  Yes, you.  Me too, and everyone you have ever loved.
Texas is the best.  Source?  Shut the fuck up or I'll poke your eyes out.
I think I'm probably the only person on this campus who has a butt set clipped to his Kenneth Cole laptop bag.
The only thing you've told me is that you learned how to elicit responses from local political talking heads.  You've also told me that your punctuation keys only work intermittently.
Yeah, well that just killed 30 minutes that I could have been studying Spanish during.
Take a placebo and grind it into the bread baked by the gods on the mountain of fire.
Pain follows my purse through candy colored nail files.
My prehensile urethra envelopes the mailing list in a squish of doom.
Fuckity shit cock muscle.
What would Jesus pop off and say?
No game on this cat.  He's afraid it's cancer, and he also wants to be a lawyer who also has his PhD in Finance.  And he's mocking Judaism, saying he is going to wear a yarmulke to school.
Oh well, time to go and look at some cells in biology lab.
There's some guy talking about lumps under his nipples to two girls here at the LCU Student Union Building.
An email to a bunch of people killed and ate my entire family.  Ohh, what a world!
Licka shawt!  I an I say chach mon!
I openened the package, which is how I know they suck. man, good thick socks are a pleasure to wear the first time you put them on. These just feel like orphan tears.
Right Wing Christians who sell shirts by placing them on a girl with a huge fake rack. I like it.
I loathe all existence with the deepest pit of my heart.
I've often thought of liberalism as thinly veiled racism.
I gotta take a wicked grumpy.Curse the fact that some TCom Bigwigs are here having some national board meeting.
I mean, it's a bowl gripper and a sweater and a screamer.maybe.
Stone: I understand that if you would like to me to be your bride, a suitable pickup can be exchanged.
Stone: If you are satisfied with our service today, please accept my phone number and we can talk about filling you with the curried yam later.
Yeah. I can spot fake designer products now too. Knockoff Prada, got it. Knockoff Louis Vuitton, got it. I'm the only person I know who can ID Cold War armor and swap meet Louis.
Ehh. You live with a froot for a year and see if you don't pick up some frootiness.
Squid pummeling!
Intellifent? Didn't Hannibal cross the alps with an army of intellifants?
I just got a call from Pastor Tungin Bawls. Is he the new Zambian minister?
I can also change it so that when they dial another extention, their name pops up as something like 9+in4U.
/me sorts guns by barrel flavor.
This is a live version of Aphex Twin. I can't imagine sitting in a concert venue, watching someone hit play on their casio and then walking off.
You will bow before the might of the hotdog.
Jes. Almost as lame as the chili-lime griller hotdog I got from 7-11 today.
Suicide Solution!Whoo!
Certainly not. And their proxy server gives me cancer. Feh.
Makes my stomach boil with rage. BOIL I tell you.
I swear to god, if I ever end up with a real 9 to 5 job, office the whole 9..Imma play golf. This I command!
Heh. Cables everywhere. I could run them! Hahaha!
Heh. I get that occasionally. I'll hear something that reminds me of something. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I get all grumbly because that is never to be again. Then I have to live with the fact that I have to create new memories, but, generally, in the making, they never seem as intense as when I was young, dumb and full of cum.
And nubians to fan you.
You need a Sherpa to carry you.
Charlie don't surf and mike don't code.
You need to boil it till tender and then add the cheese powder.
No, really. I hear it has this firewall thingy that will keep the internet out of my pc.
I would hate to have WS Burroughs in my room playing the Klezmer at 3am.
I don't even launch that page in firefox any more. Blah. All that bandwidth wasted.
Of course, if the job works out and I can geta new laptop and some kind of large external drive enclosure, I'm stealing everything on there. And then cutting out the sections that are sTm's with a nailclipper and burning those sectors of the drives.
Post Emily Dickenson?
That URL gave me HERPES!
Dreaming of a Squirrel.
No really honey, I was getting 'Little Johnny' emails when you were in diapers. It's cool.
I just said it was the song of whales mating.
Problems solved? Are your loins flush with the feel of victory?
I feel the icy hand of death, he is a leaden weight on my soul. Heh.
So, I was walking to get a soda one morning when Kris was still dating Joe and I heard them doing the horrible. I thought that was the gayest thing I was ever gonna hear.Then, I hit the Chach. Anything with vocals gonna play between 8 and noon on weekdays?
You could always go "odd Orwell" on him and say "If you would imagine my cock, imagine a boot stamping on a face for ever."
she disappeared soon after that. well, quit, not disappeared.
it bends spacetime
Frequently I will look down and find a teacup poodle or Haitian immigrant boy attached to the natural universal attractiveness of my penile region.
On Ponape, a South Pacific island, typical foreplay would involve a man placing a fish in his lover's vulva. He would then slowly lick it out. Just your morning trivia. Enjoy.
For every three days of smooth jazz, you will recieve a 4 hour block of rap and military cadence. Phear me.
Well, just tell them that if I can't find anything in Levitcus about it being a sin to eat ramen while taking a grumpy, God still loves them.
on software licenses and hax0ring: "But Christ sayeth that licensing costs are high and we must make do so we have more to give to the mission department."
I blame it on the fact that she is A.) a girl and B.) plays guitar, so any of these semi-sensitive jerkheaps who happen to strum a fuck stick, well, she identifies with them. Like you say.
People genuflect outside of the Louvre now. That makes me throw up a little into my breakfast whiskey.
Jes. We need some Kenny G, generated totally free of soul on the finest multiprocessor jazz computers alive today. They are capable of executing bop within 5/20ths of a Coltrane unit.
He will recieve my seed, in a small box.
My seed cures gloom.
It is like a lamp.
Mine is usually sex@rightnow.com, but I like to give the schoolgirls something to aspire to.
I will grind their bones!
Barenaked Ladies kinda blow.There was that "One Week" song that you could sing along with in traffic, but that was it. I haven't heard anything else by them that I would let eat crackers in my bed.
I wear the burqua in Chachistan! It allows only my eyes, fired by zealotry, to shine through!
As I consider my answer, I think the most significant change will occur not in twenty years, but in just a few short hours.Your questionaire has given me pause and made me realize exactly how clearly and fully I have sold my idealism and vigor for a steady check.Hence, I will go home and sort my guns by barrel flavor.
Thank you, HR Drone, for making me realize how empty I am.
ivalue
Shitville USA, Also known to have the worst weather on the planet. Lots of high paying jobs in Houston.  That is a goddamn shame.
WHY DON'T THEY GET A JOBBBBBBBBBB
fj says screw you working stiffs.
Big, Heavy, Wood. Also leaves skid marks on your porcelain.
there is no log. only zuul.
those fucking frogs, they're assholes but their vodka and toast are pretty good. see also @ french. 
fnord: how many days a week do you work btw?<br />fj: 5 or so. which is not much when you consider that there are 3800 kinds of frogs in the world.
Voltron not defined? That robot is defined as hell. Ass like a boyscout too.  Deefeennnnderrrr of the Univerrrsssee! err, wait a second..
I, personally would like to watch planet of the Grapes. An enthralling tale of men who travel through time and visit a decimated earth, now ruled by the sadistic fruit of the vine. Thrill as one of the ersatz time travellers is made into an intoxicating beverage consumed by his fruity overlords. Movie quote: "Get your hands off me you damn juicy grapes!"
Non-flammable is NOT a challenge lady. Back off or I'll AGAAGGHHAAHGHAGAHGHAHG <FOOSH>
Actually, I call my sock Aaron, that way I can pretend it is a boy or a girl.
Jew Camel: Fiendish cartoon mascot of the Zionist conspiracy. Makes children believe that Judaism is cool and Hip and that they didn't kill Christ.
And for all my Semetic Gun Totin' Sociopaths
Fistable vs not Fistable - Not a real refined rating scheme, but easier to judge when drinking Jagermeister.
Jeez. You can nail women your whole life and still get called a wuss. Fuck one boy scout in the mouth and you are gay forever.
fj: Jam pakked with gookety goodness. Kimchi still tastes like rotten cabbage tho.<br />acho: it is rotten cabbage<br />fj: Thank you acho.
You could go shoot a postman. That would be nice role reversal.
Of course, I fantasize about doc in latex pants too, so I may not be the best judge of what is good or not.
Remember that, as always, if you have questions about filling out your tax forms, you can call up your congressperson or senators at any hour of the day or night and ask them what brand of glue they were sniffing when hey thought up our tax laws.
kam: you're getting fucked up the ass<br />kam: and they're not using k-y<br />fj: And your taxes are high.
fj/#zoes needs kams wit like kam needs another birth defect.
If I wanted your website to make noise, I would have licked my finger and dragged it across the glass on my monitor.
solinari: Don't clench up. That makes it hurt more. Think rainbows and unicorns and relaaaxxxx.
I have an uncomfortable erection right now. Ugh.
Nonono. When a group of people actively make *ME* shudder, then there is something fucked.
Yeah. They are worse than that time I got the head of my spit slick member caught in a coke pull-tab.
i like rotting whores.  you can make new orifices in their squishy mouldering skin with which to pleasure yourself.  Try that with a fresh one.
my anti-drug is sneaking into the women's room late at night and shoving the water facuet in my ass
#zoes rapes kam like a woodstock patron.
Gentlemen! I will have you know that you are talking to a nigger! Nigga, shut up and eat yo' big azz biscuit.
beyond: FJ is neat.<br />Bald like the head of my dick.<br />Teach me how to shave. 
although the chances of my sobriety are slim.  slimmer than a snake under a fat chicks ass.
Look I've been awake for a ...ooo..nunchuck
fnord has Mantis Style
Too much PA and Kung Fu.
Flying Fire Anus Kick
A Gigaboo would be like a million jigaboos. 1048576 to be exact.
see [fj]
what fj gets from people when he tries to ban people on reject.org. also what he gets from women when he drops trow. [fj] states that should be trou.  Short for trousers.
i would never admit to deep throating a cow.  no matter what color.
The fucked up police sodomizing fj with a plunger for not sleeping and watching Plastic Surgery Disasters
no time for style, i gotz ass to kick.
CHECK OUT OUR LOW LOW PRICES HERE AT THE FED. IF I DON'T LOWER INTEREST RATES I'LL EAT THIS BUCKET OF SCORPIONS!!! SUNDAY, SUNDAY SUNDAY!
i'm touching my rtooasdf,.masfd;lfk
i'm jerking my spicy hot boner as we speak.
<@drno> I'm not sure my mammoth pink stick would fit in her caboose<br /><@[fj]> that's what a hammer and some butter are for.
You rock my lame laminated balls. 
Or a gallon of whiskey since the GF is out of town this weekend. 
Whoo.  Green eggs and love.  I have now officially worked on the worst cabling project ever. 
I was just gonna make some enchiladas with sterno and orange juice. 
God, will this day end?  Uck-fay! 
Gonna get my ball smack on. 
Chachice!@#  Bring me a corndog for lunch. 
"It's not really a pyramid scheme, more of a triangle plan" 
You selling some Kirby Vacuums next? 
I would rather have been kicked in the crotch with a flaming clown shoe than see that film again. 
Pillz!  Take them!  I command it! 
Filthy canadians aren't satisfied to skate across the border and steal our cheese!  Now they want our state too! 
Does he rap?  I only dig rappers. 
Nelly is tha coolest! 
You will love Nelly!  Admire his bandaid! 
You need a flunky? 
ADMIRE IT! 
One day I want a house that is all wired from hell to breakfast. 
And I haven't talked like a pirate all day. 
Prepping an exotic dance! 
Ahh.  I thought you just wouldn't let her get an engineering job because you are the West Texas Taliban. 
Off to poke some chemical reactions.  Smooch. 
But PPT is no PDF! 
Do it!  40s in the house!  I'll take a day off and we can sit on your parents porch and drink beer and throw walnuts at the LCU kids. 
Kill them!  With your cock! 
Gonna drink me a couple Jimmy Beams and read some Plato and go to bed.  Fah on that, I tell you. 
Be a poverty level chaotic neutral retail clerk for Christ! 
Yeah, if it were for Christ, you'd probably have to be chaotic good or good.  Prolly a Paladin.  I need to quit reading D&D books in my spare time. 
One of the groundskeepers just walked by and said "He done some preaching, and he's a big ole boy, but when he was born he could fit in a quart jar" 
I think there is only a limited amount of non-strangeness we are capable of, even at the best of times. 
What the hell hospital puts you in a jar at birth to check size? 
Fill this sieve! 
Leavenworth keeps buffalo on the grounds outside the walls.  If you try an escape, you get stampeded. 
Behold!  The man, the myth, the chach! 
She just wants to shoot them with high energy particles and move on. 
Yeah.  With a couple lawyers to protect the intellectual property of the geeks.  And me, to make sure souls are saved. 
Gotta find a 24inch Masonry Bit to drill with. 
Crotch punchin'!  Across the universe! 
Intelligent Design theorists fill me with an urge to kill. 
I hate them all! 
With my pants enraged. 
http://www.cooks.com/rec/doc/0,1716,158172-245203,00.html - Yuuuuum. Makes me all tingly on the palate. 
Your parents don't like Iranians? 
Filthy Dutch, skating across our borders in their filthy wooden shoes trying to steal our proud Texas windmill technology! 
Worship my loin fire! 
God cabling sux0rz.  Ahem.  God, cabling sux0rz.  I would hate to imply that I was running wire through deities. 
I believe that tonight I shall hand craft Fettucini with Clam Sauce Alfredo for the girlfriend. 
Or gingered smoked beef tounge. 
This better not break my IP stack. 
Buncha whey faced academians fighting over who sits at the top of the ivory tower. 
Heh.  Awright, going homo.  Smooch. 
In case you wondered, my pasta last night kicked much ass.  Phear my fettucini.  phettucini, rather. 
Austin people still hasslin' me about the time I was lit like a candle and tried to buy a girl who had passed out on the couch from her overly protective friends... 
Joyous wonder abounds.  BTW, fuck stem changing verbs in spanish. 
Also, fuck irregular Yo forms. 
Take a grumpy while you are in the shower and mash it into the drain with your foot to save on water bills? 
I POKE her in the NOSE with pencils. 
Toss 'im in the boot and drag 'im along Guv'nor! 
I have no idea why I lapsed into Cockney there. 
Fighting profs.  "You misapplied the gravitational constant, you ass puncher!" <wedgie> 
Well, you never know when you are gonna need to battle the Iron Golem Soul, so you better get it. 
How else will you replace your +3 mace of Chaching if you don't get the insurance. 
Get it.  You never know when you are gonna go insane.  Well, maybe you do.  I dunno.  When your mind feels full of sad snakes, then you'll know you need it. 
No bio labs today.  Dance little prince.  Dance.  Feel the rythm.  Riddim if you are Jamaican. 
The company switched to cottony soft TP in the bathroom, instead of industrial grade.  I guess that means we are solvent, financially. 
I have to take Freshman biology.  Where I am PAYING to learn Intelligent FUCKING design. 
 view science the way I view an ape in a bikini, with herpes:  I see the inherent sexiness, but I recognize the need to keep it at arms length.  Not good for me. 
However, today, while lecturing about the way the chromatin wraps around histone protein allowing to compact 2 inches of DNA blahblahblah, the prof (per usual) says "Isn't that neat?  Who would have thought of that?  I'll tell you....God would have". 
And I died, just a little inside. 
Now, forgive me if I have a small problem accepting that Jesus is the reason for the season, old science is lies that "THEY" (his words) tell you because "THEY Just Don't Know" and "Can't explain how evolution works", but at least learn how to spell. 
Intelligent Design is bad science that boils down to magic. 
Faghwpth on that. 
Brain death is imminent. 
I'm kinda hard, just thinking about it. 
And I did bring up my nipples.  Not that they aren't usually up anyway, but still. 
So, for PP, cut out 5 moderately important slides, add two with pictures of tits, and one with a shirtless Brad Pitt (Just for equal representation), don't talk about those, but let them linger a bit.  Put 'em at the end so that it throws everyone, and that kills questions. 
I'm sure tenured profs have gotten away with less. 
Alternative History fiction is the crappiest idea to ever darken the dusty shelves of a bookstore. 
Philosofizzy class got cancelled, so now I have to sit in the library for an hour or so with nothing to do but poke the internet and hope it responds by coughing up some kind of humorous joke thing. 
She walks like a sailor on shore leave! 
My head hurts and my spirit is dead. 
Gotta take that pregame dump. 
/me deletes people on myspace 
Nothing like having free time to delete people you've never met. 
Great.  More stuff to kill brain cells with. 
Personally, the conspiracy is good, but I'm looking for information on TVs _Lost_, the show that runs my Wednesday nights. 
Gods be praised, tis almost the Day of Fri! 
The inter-nets are slow today.  Someone continues to stand on the big red cable on the backbones. 
I should pack up my nutz and go home. 
Thus continuing to confirm my belief that people of all nationalities and stripes, no matter how desolate their life or how high they rise, are just fucked up. 
Is there a single picture of Cheney taken where he doesn't look like is about to strangle and eat a kitten? 
Lame.  I declare you pax romana! 
Activate me, you burly man! 
 I made it to the bathroom before one of my co workers hit his 4pm grumpy.  Motherfucker must eat half rotten parrots or something.  It's bad. 
Good job, you flaming fiery fuckhead of stupid twatery! 
I am about to take the first shit that will ride a broom and worship the dark ones on All Hallows eve.  That's how wicked my grumpy is. 
There's no seats in those pants, mang. 
It worketh, sayeth the Lord of the RiverWorms! 
Man, I got a pumpkin spice latte today and it tasted like hotdogs.  Life is pain. 
t was good while it was hot...but as the temperature dropped, the beef content apparently rose...  Ungh. 
And I have learned, that when one is done making love, one is NEVER to roll over and say "Wow.  Thanks." 
Women.  Heh!  Strange animals. 
Yes, when John Travolta and Nick Cage roamed the earth, Gods among mortals!  Yaar. 
Coolest thing ever.  My Diet Coke 6 pack froze in the fridge, to where the tops were bulged about 2cm up...  When I popped the tops on tow of them it shot coke slush like 15 feet. 
It's like she has three sets of teeth! 
Gentlemen!  We have the land shark! 
Oh, CRUEL fates! 
This makes my demographic brain hurt. 
Well, post modern interpretation is how to drop it like it's hot. 
Gah.  My beard is full of Redhat and chicken soup! 
Trust my balls, with your LIFE! 
Fuck em and feed em cock muscles! 
Why do the Arabs hate the GZA so much!  No one threw rocks at ODB (RIP)! 
And then I touched myself.  With a waffle. 
(On Cheney shooting his lawyer/friend) He probably had not feasted on the meat of infants in a while and his bloodlust got out of control. 
How do we bring you this kind of #value?!  Volume! 
Ugh.  It must be like living in a sock.  A used sock, full of sweat and semen. 
myspace gots the HIV! 
See if he has any pictures of Dr. Beverly Crusher naked.  Preferably with a gourd of some kind in a compromising position. 
Nothing is funny since Bukkake became popular. 
Get some good grub on?  Full o' the vittles! 
Sorry, I was looking up a skirt while it went upstairs. 
Gonads and Strife 
It would help if they would seek me out and let me live in their cars! 
And eat food made entirely out of turnips! 
Stab it with your dick! 
Well, you won't know till you try Mr. Grumble Pants. 
Of course, I'd make sure your door is closed before cock wrasslin' the query machine. 
I went to bumass high where we read feed bags. 
Feh.  I'll just drink away the image..  Heh. 
I'm not letting the fight go just yet. 
It keeps you in touch with your horrifyononong jelly bean self. 
That was the biggest fire I have ever seen in L town.  Twas rad. 
Today, the garlic press sprayed garlic in my FUCKING EYE.  Truly, I am a man. 
That garlic exploded like the propane dealer downtown did. 
You know you live in a suck town when you can describe an area as "By That Town and Country" 
True, but when you want to go that route, you offer some real suggestions, not just roll your eyes, tug on your beret, light another clove and start to moan. 
There's no discernible ROI in this board! 
He can join me in painting Warhammer 40K figurines. 
Ahhh, to sit in my office and wait to die!  The joy! 
He is a fagz0r then.  I shall kill him!  With my cock! 
I have a Swiss Army Dong, in case you hadn't noticed. 
To the nine hells with him?  What the hell is he?  George Lucas?  Does he want to go and replace all the lame lyrics with walkie talkies? 
Kill him.  Right in the ass! 
Just make some isht up.  Cow, eviscerated puppy, clown, package of chorizo, chair.  Then collage it. 
Pimpin' fo tha shorteez! 
Bangin' for the less fortunate 
That gives me nightmares. 
Lying toe lover!  Ohh, this is going right out to everyone we know!  Their toes will hide in fear! 
GAH!  I need a goddamn cheap laptop harddrive!  Squiddamn! 
From half court no less. 
That cat has more issues than Publisher's Clearing House. 
Lotsa nightmarish landscapes painted on the minds eye, and then the anal sex. 
She did not care, not in the least.  People at that fucking school have no sense of order. 
Fuckturd.  My boss is back in town. 
What color is the grass where you come from?  And can I smoke it? 
It's like he only tunes into our world once a week to announce his goddamn vision for the company that has no basis in a world where gravity attracts and light is the uppermost speed in the universe! 
That thing is the reason we should strive to kill everything in the ocean.  Because it is all disgusting. 
Get him up on it!  Like a whore on a cock! 
Gah.  Should not have licked my mouse.  Ugh. 
Ice Cube and the Lynch Mob....Jackin' for Routes! 
So, I sinned today, but I think it was mostly victimless.  Prolly. 
I'll add him to my buddy list and /hug him all fucking day long. 
This 8 dollar LED conversion kit for my mini maglite SUCKS MY COCK WITH A MOUTHFUL OF NAILS. 
I'd put my DNA in that chin... 
Hosting the man meat! 
The widget that is supposed to let me see the Linux box as a windows server.  But, you know, Satan's cock and all that. 
We have got to befriend someone from Peru. 
My calves are MADE of pain after about 300 trips up and down ladders. 
Without chat I never would have met Stone.  That rippling hunk of curried man. 
Futurism and motion are like Black Hawk Down and a blow job.  Good mixiness. 
You and your >Secrets<, just like the Iranians 
Man, Im watching coming to America.  No time to mock! 
Screws so small I've already lost three in my urethra. 
I shanked a pig all up in my cell, yo.  And by that, I mean I'm updating Linux apps on my laptop. 
And then we can get a pony.  Made of ice cream. 
16 year old lesbians aren't gonna look at themselves all day. 
Does this involve testicles? 
If I ever go to jail, that's where I want to go.  I have determined it! 
It occurs to me, watching the new Superman trailer, that all those bullets that bounce off of him land somewhere, probably at a substantial percentage of their initial velocity.  He's a menace. 
Tonite, the cow will bow to me! 
100 Miles and Runnin' is the finest of the NWA songs.  This I declare! 
Verifying your love?  For je$u$, care of Del Rio Texas...? 
Weird like unusual, or weird like trying to explain spatula marks on your ass? 
I'm gonna KICK ASS and CRUNCH CRUNCHBERRIES and I'm all out of CRUNCHBERRIES! 
That's like a whole day, taking into account switching DVDs and ointment for the bedsores. 
Baby eagles, streamed live to a monitor I should have. 
Nuzzle lightly around your neck.  Wait, that might be gay. 
A man!  His drive to serve the customer!  Powerpoint presentations steeped in the blood of innocents!  Will he be able to reduce wait-on-hold times? 
I almost drove into the back of a school bus checking out a couple soccer moms the other day. 
Does he do irrevrent songs?  About having sex with Jesus? 
God bless 'em right to hell! 
But, it beats working the drive through at a Herpes Burger. 
As long as I learn to shoot fire ala Dhalsim, I'm good. 
I suppose any assclown with a radio show can be a political scientist. 
Way to take the fight to the next level! 
Last time I talked to him, he's found another girly to make the love to. 
They need wizards!  To control the electrons! 
I flap my junk at them! 
Gah.  What should I consume for lunch to feed my mighty human body? 
Them gookers cook up a mean Padd Thai equivalent. 
Keeping the universe in balance. 
Sweet.  Amazon has like 30 cadence CDs I don't have.  /me whips out credit card. 
I am totally gonna marry Ann Coulter. 
I'll cut him with my dick.  slashslash! 
Whore that tiny girl media out. 
And the robot looks sort of horrified, like he just read a big helping of Camus and realized how difficult it is to remain relevant in a world that lacks purpose and meaning. 
Also that I can't wear Juliana Hatfield like a feedbag. 
But all the USB fans have LEDs which means that Imma send this kiosk out tarted up like a French Whore or a lowrider. 
I can't believe that LCU turned me into a lover of existentialism.  Hah. 
Take that, system of the man! 
I advocate I need a drink!  To stave off the end of the world willies!Soooo, I quit doing drugs and the world gets weirder each day.  How is that?  I go from a place where I'm looking for a fucking hobbit disco in a tree to this? 
Fuck sobriety. 
That's when you cut her in the goddamn eye! 
Man, I'm just blasting _Hooray For Boobies_ back here. 
What, dealing with dickweed customers?  Yeah fucker, I do. 
Balls and whistles. 
What the DAMN? 
What the damn is going on in here you kids? 
the ultimate German entertainment extravaganza is The Hoff and The Kelly Family performing in the middle of the Markt Platz while older women with HUGE FOREARMS hand out steins of beer and parts of a pig no white man in America would eat. 
Huge Weiner! 
I do.  I can interleave voice and data packets with my seed. 
Consultanting is great because you can flat out tell people their network sucks. 
Tell him!  This I command! 
I'll just call the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme the Winchester Meal Deal.  Cuz I see some repeatin' in my future. 
/me tries his crunchwrap supreme.  Not that crunchy.  Prolly a little left of supreme as well. 
In Poli Sci we call this area "Grey."  With the British spelling. 
Yeah, but that's how I always feel. 
Current mood:  Touched, down there 
I just have to phone in my grade and get my sheep flesh. 
Tell him you desire fresh tits in NetMeeting 
Any tits? 
Added an offensive New York Paragraph. 
And put the Patriotic Cow back up.  fj can't blog and have a nuclear family photo.... 
That lacks the full photo spread from the magazine. 
It was so cute my anus actually expelled blood. 
It was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY  cute tho. 
Willie Nelson rules me. 
Clever is what I do. 
I'm pretty fucking useless otherwise. 
Because I'm old and contrary. 
Hey, I liked the first EveraClizzer album, before the lead singer thought that having a record deal meant "I can cry about my dad" 
These are kids who are gonna get more cock than a chicken breeder. 
One of the foreign car companies has released the "fj cruiser" as a SUV mobile. 
I'm out in a bit sir.  Smooches unto you. 
He HAS A VAGINA! 
My taste is GOD! 
Like the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. 
Mmmmmmmm.  Noir kick. 
Prolly gonna hit Hey It Stings for some Jim Thompson (who inspired an MC 900 FT Jesus song, you goddamn heathen). 
Take that up the ass Chinese cinema. 
Damn.  The Khmer Rouge had a fucking bad ass flag. 
Chromed out drawers an shit, yo.  Hydraulics up ins on this chair I gots. 
I'm spitting rhymes like my Swingline spits staples. 
fj - Office GI'll prolly end up in a Turban with an AK once I snap. 
There's a blonde in a black dress that I just want to skin and hang above the mantle. 
Is it shiny?  Jangly?  Give it to the proletariat! 
I think we are gonna name the next cat Chairman Meow... 
Like, the name causes a neuron to flare....  But that is all.  That lonely neuron like a candle deep in Carlsbad Caverns. 
Yes, I implied that they grow monkeys.  Right from the bosom of the earth! 
I mean, like hairy balled child rapist scum, their sweaty furred scrotums pressed against the throat of humanity. 
You shoulda smacked her on the ass and said "Let's get with the retiring checks, toots" 
I think Imma have to throw down with some hot MS Access action this weekend. 
I got so many portable computers I can't fucking move. 
Hrmm, lessee.  Cardboard Shit failed. As did Tepid Semen Sculpture.  I also had to fold Herpes n' Hash. 
Why wouldn't you randomly decide (while drugged like lab rats) not to fast? 
I was shooting green like the Treasury Department. 
You're either a fratboy or an outsider.  Both factions are equally powerful and consume all.  Like the vampires and the Lycans from Underworld. 
I watched both Underworlds last night.  Forgive me. 
Levi's has a GHEEEEEEEEEEEY _Walk The Line_ commercial. 
I hope it's naked. 
You can just rock me the fuck to sleep.  Thanks. 
My balls are loaded with my seed, I wonder if that's prohibited. 
I like how a bunch of fucking cave dwellers have us dancing to their tune. 
Cuz they scared!  They need to buy a dawg! 
So GET OFF YOUR HIPPIE ASS! 
/me claps like a retard with joy. 
She was probably engaged to an astral being.  You know how hard it is to get them to drop to this plane for a wedding. 
Who would make your nerd balls tingle? 
Disseminate my thoughts. 
To demonstrate my deep gang related hatred of pie. 
You don't see the mighty silverback laying eggs, do you? 
And then I shall thrust my loins in her direction! 
But, as a nation we've become fat and stupid.  Which is why I'm buying guns with my newfound wealth from this job. 
So, I want guns.  I'm going out in a psycho blaze of glory as an enemy of the state and people.  Wearing a French Maid outfit. 
So, today at lunch I had everyone staring at me when I said 'I was reading Sartre last night to help me figure out what my attitude should be toward the end users.' 
You could hear the crickets.  It was pretty rad.  Existentialist thought seems to weird fuckers out. 
Truly you are merciless, like a tiny god of war. 
I smash the water powered loom of life! 
I am the neo luddite! 
Der hindenpoopen! 
READ MY HEADLINES! 
Only [fj] is truly random. 
The thing about the baby. 
(fnord)You think that's a vegetarian baby? (me)No, I'm pretty sure it's made of meat. 
eleventy one! 
If you're having network problems I feel bad for you son.  I got 99 problems but  a switch ain't one... 
The polish chach!@ 
So hip you gotta walk sideways through doors. 
No problem, American!  Useless Degree Man awaaaaaaaayyyyy!!! 
The Liberal Arts superhero. 
Warm.  Soft.  Try not to think about all the cum you are wrapped in. 
You need to crank the air all the way up and curl into a blanket ball. 
You should smack 'er.  What would Eazy do?  That's my motto! 
Great Apollo's shaft! 
So, I've decided I want to learn to knit.  With yarn and such. 
Tiny hats for all! 
And be warned, I steal blankets. 
Figgered I needed an esoteric hobby. 
Shaven headed, tattoo'd, working on a sock... 
I stop short of the chrome dome and keep it fuzzy. 
And gangsta. 
Testicles! 
erlang erlang erlang!  Get'er outta my heart! 
That's what happens when I break my rule and drink on a work night.  Heh. 
I have this craving for corndogs now.  Also, oral sex. 
Just the one who stole the stereo out of my car about 47 goddamn times! 
Boy, and you spent all that time in Kolleje when you could have been  a professional juror. 
But then I'd have a working soap mush holder and no imaginary squid to caress my brain meats in the early morning rinse... 
I now press my forehead into it, every morning and pretend that I own a tall squid who prepares me for the coming day. 
Purchase at your own peril. 
I have overcome this problem with a combination of physics and force of will. 
Lies! 
I have since moved the virtual squid limb lower, that I might lay in a lukewarm tub of water (goddamn small water heater) so I might lean my head slightly to the right and pretend that a large, more bear like cousin of Squidward (of Spongebob fame) is gently caressing my cheek as I sponge my nether regions. 
Oh yes, Village People Squid, I am CLEAN! 
Caution:  Contents may be sexy! 
3 days till the girlfriend(TM) arrives and sexes me like a McDonalds apple pie. 
I've got a tiny red hat for my genitals.  Can't do the white beard tho, at least at this time. 
More of a middle aged, wrinkly, chubby cheeked Santa thing going. 
Otherwise, The Republic will spend it's last few years gasping and shattering on stupid fucking issues like abortion or Intelligent Design. 
This my side, right or wrong, that spawned people like Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin and the general breakdown in the news agencies NEEDS to be fixed. 
What I do like, is he's the only candidate who seems willing to actually reach across the party divide. 
Goooooooooobama! 
At least a disclaimer that says 'not to scale' since his wang seems about 3.2 feet tall in perspective. 
Bask in my monogamy! 
BASK@! 
Sorry.  Telling someone else that I ate Dominos jalapeno and pepperoni pizza and now I fear pooping. 
Gotta get over the mountains before winter sets in.  Oregon Trail taught me well. 
I can't win against Jesus.  He's hung like this (arms out) and can stay up for 3 days. 
Aside from some issues related to undercooked chicken at lunch.... 
We'll steer away from talking about the poop part of the day. 
Jesus.  Within like an hour..  It went from "I know this beautiful girl in a wheelchair I want to take out" to "Her mouth works" to "I've popped out X kids with no pain" to and oh god...  The amputees...
It's best to walk away.  Slowly.  While making eye contact.
Here I am!  Rock me like a Chachicane!
Sadly, I find myself in agreement with the pedantic dicks on that site.  That is, in fact, many smaller sandwiches end to end, not one large sandwich.
17 October 2008, the day I became a pedantic dick.  Mark your goddamn calendars....
Haven't.  I was always more of a Groo fan when it came to comics...
Mendicant!  Which is only funny if you read Groo....
And horrible because of the screaming temporal doom inflicted by that show
My whole universe was a string of misshapen plots and crossed stories.
But I didn't notice that discs 2 and 3 were in the wrong box.
Gorram fargin' cork suckers.
Which doesn't make any sense at ALL!
Horrible, horrible weekend.
That said, like it a lot.
And I crave jalapeno poppers from the Jack N The Box up the street.
I'm writing in Joseph Stalin.Although, I did do a LOT of acid to Phish....  I blame my inability to commit to a relationship on that...