M E M O R Y L E S S N E S S

i bought the new Fantômas album the other day, and i’m finally getting around to listening to it. it’s bizarre, but pretty good. it’s called “Delìrivm Còrdia.” the liner notes are nothing but a bunch of pictures of surgeries. close-ups. and there’s only one track on the CD. it’s 1 hour, 14 minutes, and 16 seconds long. it’s either called “Svrgical Sovnd Specimens from the Mvsevm of Skin” or “Like the Svrgeon the Composer Slashes Open the Body of His Fellow Man Removes His Eyes Empties His Abdomen of Organs Hangs Him on a Hook Holding Vp to the Light All of the Body’s Palpitating Treasvres Sending a Bvrst of Light into Its Innermost Depths.” no real songs, just a bunch of different noises and instrumental-type-things interspersed with medical sounds (doctors being paged, beeping machines, scraping sounds, etc.) strangely enough, i’m really enjoying it, though i think i like “The Director’s Cut” better. this album reminds me more of their first (self-titled album). hrm.

today, i went to the eye doctor. it was FUN. okay, maybe not. but that’s okay. monday night, at about 10pm, my glasses decided to break. one of the arms broke off. weird shit. anyway, i went today to get new ones. yes. i’d been planning to call this week because i needed new glasses anyway. weird timing. yeah. i also got new lenses for my old-ass prescription sunglasses and i got contact lenses, too. quite an expensive day, all in the name of steev being able to see. worth it, i guess. it’s weird to be able to see without glasses on. someday, i might like to get laser vision correction. but i’m a little skeptical about it. they perform it at my eye doctor’s office, but the doctor wears glasses. that seems a little odd…he’s confident enough to recommend it for other people, but not to get it done for himself.

yes. monday was, of course, domestics. i think it’s working out well with mick. if you’ve heard us this semester, let me know what you think. we went on a few minutes early because the one of the regular hosts of the show before our’s was/is in the hospital and the other host was going to see her. substituting for the sick host was brian (aka fiddles, though i have no idea why people call him that, so i call him brian), a high school classmate of mine. ‘twas good to see him, he’s a swell guy. he’s apparently back from the navy. you can see him in this photo from 1997.

aww yeah.

one of my classes is pretty cool. the other one is not so cool. in fact, it sucks. but that’s okay. the professor really bothers me…i can’t quite figure out why, but he just seems too odd or something. (the fact that when i asked him for help in understanding the material on the recent homework, he told me to “go through the readings and work out the examples and see if you can figure it out.” what the fuck did he think i’d been doing before i asked him?) he uses incorrect grammar, also. that’s forgivable, i think, if the person is not a native english speaker, but this guy is. he does it in the written notes as well as in his lectures. for instance, “stimuli” is plural. he seems to know that sometimes, since he sometimes uses “stimulus,” but other times he refers to a “stimuli.” also, he mentioned pavlov’s dogs and he kept using the word “salivatating.” that’s not a word. it’s “salivating.” alas.

blargle.

so i haven’t posted in a while. so what?

last night was the first “Domestics” show of the semester. it was also the first time i worked with my new cohost, DJ Webster (aka Mick, for those of you in-the-know). ‘twas cool. since i know him already, we had much wittier banter than matt and i ever did last semester. i also know that i’ll be able to trust him to show up all the time (or damn close to it), unlike matt. matt’s not a bad guy, he’s just not somebody i would have picked as my cohost. anyway, it was a good show and all went well, i think. yes.

so classes started a few weeks back. this time, SERIOUSLY, i’m taking my last 2 classes. at least for this degree at this university. they’re okay. one is pretty interesting, the other is pretty lame. of course, the lame one is the one that has oodles of reading (2 textbooks + lots of articles we have to download). reading is not bad if it’s interesting, but this shit is boring as hell. an article referenced in one of the articles we had to read was by someone named “boring.” that’s funny. anyway, yeah, the semester’s shaping up okay. in my interesting class, we have a “group” (2-person groups) project. this girl in my class declared that i’m her partner, so i guess i am. that’s okay, because she’s quite obsessive about always doing perfect work, so i know i can trust her to not slack off. at least, i hope so.

at 2:00, i’m going to meet with my (former) thesis advisors to discuss my independent study “courses.” basically, as i said, i’m going to try to finish up what i can of the thesis and turn it into a publishable journal article or conference paper. we’ll see…i’d like to turn it into something, but i don’t need the credits i’ll get for this, so i’m not sure how much time i’m willing to devote to it…i’ve gotta find a job, folks. HIRE ME, PLEASE.

i’ve been somewhat (for me) actively job-seeking lately. i’ve sent out more résumés in the past few weeks than i care to count. i had an on-site interview in austin last week. the work seemed interesting (basically consulting, though the company makes a proprietary software package, so most of the consulting is to companies that buy their software), the people seemed nice (really small company - something like 12 employees total). i met the president and the 2 vice presidents, and everybody seemed to like me. there’d be more travel than i’d care for, and the benefits aren’t spectacular. also, they wanted me to start no later than feb. 23. that just ain’t feasible, since i’m in class and i’m trying to finish up this schmesis stuff, too. when i’d thought i was doing a thesis, i’d hoped to be done with it around now (or, if i wasn’t, to at least not be in class so i’d be able to take a job and finish the thesis up in my “spare time”); that didn’t happen, though. i think they were ready to give me an offer if i could start right away, but i can’t, so i doubt if i ever hear from them again. oh well. it was an interesting experience. long goddamn day, though. especially since my flight coming back from austin got cancelled for no discernible reason. took a later flight and got home, obviously, but that kinda blew.

anyway, sunday i submitted a résumé for a position at the corporate office of the company that i used to work for (and i do again…i work at the new store in the same department i most recently worked in at one of the old stores…don’t give me no shit, they asked me to come back…they pulled me out of retirement…same boss, almost the same job, and i even got a raise). anyway, i submitted my résumé on sunday, and i got a call yesterday to set up a phone interview for today. the guy who called seemed really nice (i’ve never heard of him, despite my years with that company), and he seemed interested in me. he said that he didn’t think i really fit the job that i was technically applying for, given my lack of experience in the field, but that they’re planning drastic changes for the part of the company for which i was applying and that (especially with my master’s degree), he was almost sure they could find a use for someone with my background. he said he had to talk to some people and that he’d be back in touch about an on-site interview. sure, i’ve complained plenty about this company, but i’m also quite familiar with it, so i wouldn’t have to learn about a new company. i doubt they’d pay super-well, and i’ve heard that their benefits aren’t excellent (i’ve never been full-time with them, so i don’t know the details), but the kind of work he envisions someone with my background doing sounds interesting. a lot can be said for that, i think. also, since it would be a new position, i’d sort of be able to define my own job, which would be cool. we’ll see. at this point, i just want a job. i’m very flexible about everything that comes with it, such as pay and benefits. and this job would require a move to amarillo, which wouldn’t be that bad.

speaking of amarillo, i applied at pantex right before i got my undergrad degree. i had an on-site interview, but i’m glad i didn’t get a job there, since apparently they tape explosives together when they’re cracked.

also speaking of amarillo, liz and i went there last weekend. on friday night, we saw the Burden Brothers here in town. IF YOU HAVEN’T HEARD THEM, YOU ARE MISSING OUT. DROP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND BUY THEIR ALBUM. IT’S REALLY CHEAP, BUT AMAZINGLY GREAT. anyway, we saw them and got the album cover autographed and whatnot, and all was well. they seem like nice guys, and they all seemed to think that my Baboon shirt was cool (which it is). yeah. so anyway, saturday night, liz and i went to amarillo and saw them again. just a quick trip up and back, but well worth it. the bar/club/whatever in amarillo had an actual stage, unlike where they played here, but it was about 7’ off the ground, so it was weird. we were near the front, but they were far away. anyway, this show reminded me of how stupid some people are. for instance: not every band/song is “mosh-worthy.” this band is really fucking cool, but they aren’t a mosh-type band. some lame-asses will most to anything, though, i guess. it reminded me of my friend jason’s list of things to do/know when attending a show:

1. If you ate Greek, Italian, or Indian before the show, chew some fuckin gum.
2. Wear a shirt with sleeves. Leave the shirt ON.
3. Take a shower and wash your hair at least once in the week prior to the show.
4. The pit != “Fight Club” (although this one is arguable). Really though, I just can’t understand why somebody would pay a ticket price to basically roam around throwing elbows and fists and generally trying to fuck people up, all the while ignoring the show. Save some money and find an alleyway.
5. If you’re tired, my shoulder is NOT a place for you to rest. My shoulder is not a convenient holder for your devil horns. My shoulder (or hip or leg or face) is not part of some magical crowd surfing ladder.
6. Pushing a crowd of people forward at full strength is retarded. Similarly, pushing a crowd of people backward at full strength is equally retarded.

that being said, here’s a picture liz and i took with the band. check it:

WE ROCK BALLS
Steev and Liz in the back, with the Burden Brothers: Casey Orr (bass), Corey Rozzoni (guitar), Vaden Todd Lewis (vocals/guitar), Casey Hess (guitar), and “Taz” Patrick Bentley (drums)

we’ve got a photo gallery, too…this picture is there along with lots of other steev and/or liz pictures. WIGGEDY WIGGEDY WORD.

i think that’s enough random crap for today.

i just met with my two thesis advisors. well, i met with one of them, then the other. they couldn’t meet at the same time for some odd reason.

the first one said that, at this point, if i did want to do a thesis, i should actually justify to them why they should keep working with me and that he wasn’t at all surprised that i had decided to abandon the thesis.

after meeting with him, i got back to work trying to figure out what to take instead. i’ve been trying to find 4 classes to take, so i can still be a TA and get the phat ca$h (hah). need 12 hours for that. but i only need 2 classes to have enough hours to graduate. they won’t let me take undergrad classes; i’d wanted to take some freshman/sophomore classes because i figured they would be easy. i really don’t want 4 grad classes, at least not in my department, but no much else is available.

anyway, so i met with my second thesis advisor. he said that he understands my decision and that he’s sorry it’s worked out this way. he was much more understanding than i thought he’d be. he asked me what i was going to take, and i told him the 2 that i want to take and asked for suggestions for the other 2. he said, “why don’t you take independent study hours and turn this project into a paper or a conference proceeding?” that was actually something i hadn’t considered. it seems like a good idea, though. i’ll take 2 classes, ensuring that i’ll graduate in may. and i’ll continue to work on the thesis stuff, or at least on some of it, since a single conference proceeding is far less detailed than a thesis.

i really felt bad about abandoning the stuff i’ve done; i like to finish what i started. at the same time, i really want to get done with school, but i don’t want to have to take 2 classes that i don’t need and, essentially, don’t care about.

this seems to be the best solution. well, not the best, which would be solely taking the 2 classes. but this seems to be good for satisfying the course requirements and not having to take classes just to have the right number of hours for an assistantship, while also not entirely abandoning the thesis work. i can concentrate on the theoretical aspects of the project (the ones that don’t require any more help from the place that i got the project and the data from), and hopefully turn it into something publishable. and if it doesn’t get published, i’ll still graduate in may. my thesis advisors would still have to sign off on this paper, but it doesn’t really matter if they do or not, since i don’t need it to graduate.

aww yeah, i’ll have more free time than i would if i were taking 4 classes, as well. it seems that all is working out. i really am surprised that this particular professor suggested this course of action; he can be pretty cool sometimes.

so, in response to bob tmotw’s comment on my last post: no, i won’t lose any of the 1000 thesis hours (actually 12) that i took. i’ll end up with 36 course hours, which is enough. and yes, i suppose i will now have a “final paper” (aka schmesis). but it’s not technically required for the non-thesis master’s degree.

word.

anyway, i have to go back and run this all by the first advisor. he’s on a conference call right now. if he says “word, true dat, yo.” then all is well. but if he says, “fuck that shit, i hate you.” then i’ll take 4 classes. it’s doubtful if that will happen. anyway, i should know within a half hour or so for sure, but it’s looking good that the 2 classes + schmesis option will work.

aww yeah, now i won’t have to wonder in 10 years how the thesis project would have turned out.

yes, so, how were everyone’s holidays? mine were swell. xmas with liz, xmas with the family, new year’s eve with liz and friends at a friend’s house. all was fine. ‘twas nice seeing everyone i saw. sorry i missed those of you i missed.

there’ll be some pictures up whenever i get around to getting them developed and scanned. alas, a digital camera would make this easier. someday. haven’t decided what to do with the $ my parents gave me for xmas…hmm.

about thesis shit, i’ve almost decided (99% or so) that i’m going to tell my advisors that, sorry, i won’t be writing this thesis. i want to be finished with school, and i’m sorry that i’ve wasted their time, but taking 2 classes (or, more likely, 4 so i can still be a TA) is currently the best alternative towards that end. there’s been some goings-on related to this, discussions with one of the two advisors, but i don’t think they really care either way. nothing is working out related to this. my first choice of project wasn’t feasible, and the place where i’ve done the work so far for this project hasn’t been very helpful or forthcoming. nor have my advisors. sure, i could/should have worked harder on it, but i’m not trying to place blame. i’m just saying that perhaps this isn’t meant to be. and that’s okay. mm-hmm. all will be well. i’ll graduate in may, ready to start a job shortly thereafter. now, all i need to do is find that job…

seriously, though, how were your holidays?

for god’s sake, get out while you can. don’t go to grad school, and if you do, DEFINITELY do not right a thesis.

i got e-mail from my thesis advisor this morning telling me to go ahead and do the non-implementation parts of my thesis, since the place where i’m doing the research is dragging its feet about helping me out with implementing part of the work. he basically told me to “go ahead and forget” about that place for now and work with the data i have to do the rest of the thesis. that’s a good idea, i guess, except for the fact that i still need some data from them to do the non-implementation parts of the work.

he concluded his e-mail with: “We’ll review the results after classes start and make a GO/NO-GO decision on May graduation.”

i replied, telling him that i’d still need more data to complete the non-implementation phase of the thesis, so i can’t really forget about that place. i asked why he’d suddenly decided to postpone the implementation, since both he and my other advisor have all along insisted that it’s integral to the thesis. i also said that i could take 2 classes in the spring to ensure that i will graduate in may.

here’s his reply: “I realized you’re not going to complete your thesis by May waiting around for the [data]. If you want to complete a thesis this spring you have to work with the data you’ve got and make rapid progress. If you want to be guarantee being done in May register for the courses. In the meantime, work on the thesis for a month. Let’s meet the second week of class and see what you’ve got.”

actually, i have sort of been waiting around, because, like i said, the rest of the thesis is as contingent on the cooperation of the place that i’m doing the work as the implementation is.

he’s right, i can guarantee being done in may by registering for courses. but he seems to think that i should do that and continue to work on the thesis. if i register for courses, i’m not going to complete the thesis, and that’s that. of course, he and my other thesis advisor implied before that if i go that route, they might just happen to be on the committee for my master’s final exam and i might just happen to not pass such an exam. if that happens, i guess that’s what attorneys are for, right?

anyway, i’m pissed off now. he could have mentioned some of this shit at my thesis proposal. shit, it’s not as if he and my other advisor have been very helpful throughout the course of the thesis-work so far.

i’m going to drop by and talk to him this afternoon…my fate will be determined then, i guess. i suppose i might have again spoken too soon about having finished my last class.

fuck.